If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
