i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
