its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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