I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
