Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
