So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
