Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She bit a glass in half.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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