Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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