walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Let's get the cat blown out
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I need water and some morals
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
