Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
