i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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