Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
