I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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