I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I AM VODKA MAN
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