be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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