you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I bet he comes in French.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
