so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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