Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
