i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
