Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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