if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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