I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
