I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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