it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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