I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
