But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I touched a dick in church today
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
