if you like me you must not know who I am
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
