Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
