I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
