I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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