I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
