I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
