how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
