I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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