why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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