READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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