Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
