I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
