He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
