What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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