I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
