that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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