hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
