I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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