he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
