Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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