if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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