I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
