Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
