get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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